Exclusive: Clubhouse restaurant feeling neglected

In a recent interview, St. Bonaventure University’s Clubhouse restaurant admitted it has been feeling “so, so lonely.” The restaurant, open since 1929, had been feeling pangs of isolation recently. “I just wish people would think about me more, you know?” said the Clubhouse. “I remember when students would be up here all the time. Now, [...]

Red Sox fan still hasn’t left room

It’s been more than a week, but Boston Red Sox superfan Ben Rawlings still won’t leave his Third Doyle room except to go to the bathroom, his roommate Tim Walls said. Rawlings, a sophomore biology major, shut down his social and academic life Oct. 19, immediately after the Red Sox lost to the Tampa Bay [...]

We are so ready for SlutFest ’08

by Portia Norman, ’11 Fourth Devereux resident First, let me give you a history lesson. Every Oct. 31, St. Bonaventure celebrates SlutFest, an for every female student to look as whorish as possible in public, and no one can say anything to them about it.

Freshman becomes That Guy for first time in 15 years

For the first time since 1993, a freshman holds the title of St. Bonaventure University’s That Guy. Sociology major Jayson Froemming took over the distinction while riding the Drunk Bus around 12:45 a.m. Sunday, several witnesses reported. “He just wasn’t holding back,” said Tyler Clayton, That Guy’s roommate. “Seniors, juniors, guys, girls — he was [...]

Grateful freshman thanks Safety and Security for ticketing his improperly parked car

Department of Safety and Security guards were shocked Friday when a student actually thanked them for doing their job. Guards said they ticketed freshman Garrett Holzinger’s red 1999 Chevrolet Malibu Wednesday afternoon because it was parked in a space west of Plassmann Hall designated for St. Bonaventure University faculty and staff vehicles.

Sophomore still refuses to talk to roommate who insists on watching Frank TV

As of 4 p.m. Wednesday, sophomore Aaron Birchnell was still giving his roommate Jared Conway the silent treatment, their Devereux Hall floormates said, after Conway watched the season premiere of Frank TV.

Junior squanders gift on obscure movie quotes

St. Bonaventure University undeclared arts major Rowan Meyers was born with a truly unique gift: a phonographic memory. He has the ability to recall, at will, almost any sound, speech or lecture he has ever heard. Unfortunately, Meyers, a junior, has entirely wasted his life on movie and television quotes.

Rigas Theater exhausted from overuse

The agent for St. Bonaventure University’s Rigas Family Theater said Monday her client was weary and worn out due to recent overuse. “St. Bonaventure has been riding Rigas Theater for several weeks now and it has taken its toll,” said Scarlett Borrus, in a press conference. “The theater is not used to carrying such a [...]

Report: Bonnies Bandwagon General Board briefly features thread on something other than basketball

A discussion thread on St. Bonaventure’s economic viability briefly appeared on the university’s most popular alumni message board Monday, several reliable sources reported. When informed, The Bonnies Bandwagon’s moderators immediately nixed the conversation, featured on its General Board, because it violated the forum’s basketball-only policy.

Upperclassmen still miss Jumper semesters after his final takeoff

Nineteen months have passed since students and professors walking on the sidewalk between Plassmann Hall and the Reilly Center last had to make way for an orange-Gatorade-carrying jet heading down his runway, preparing for takeoff. That jet, the famous and mysterious “Jumper,” used to make his show a part of the daily routine at St. [...]