Ben Jaklowicz
Forty-five minutes after leaving your room to purchase a 30-rack of Keystone Light with his fake ID, your roommate Ben Jaklowicz returned with the beer, gasping for breath after a near-disastrous encounter with building resident assistants.
At 3:34 p.m., Jaklowicz woke you from a nap by bursting through the door of your Third Shay room. He rapidly shut and locked the door and put the entire 30-rack in your refrigerator, then proceeded to tell you his harrowing story.
“The lady at Tops didn’t look twice at the ID, so everything went great up until I parked my car outside,” he said, still breathing heavily.
Jaklowicz said he ran with the beer to the main Shay staircase door, which he’d propped open with an empty beer can, and started upstairs before realizing Fourth Shay RA Kelsey Riker was coming down.
“I didn’t know what to do, so I ran back down and thank God the basement door was open because I went down there and hid for, like, 10 minutes,” Jaklowicz said. “Then I opened the door and listened for a few seconds and made a mad dash up the stairs to our door.”
Jaklowicz said as he fumbled with the keys to the Third Shay door, heard floor RA Will Foster’s voice in the hallway.
“Thank god he was talking to someone ’cause I’d've never heard him coming,” Jaklowicz said. “But I had to go somewhere so I ran up to the fourth floor landing and waited until after he’d come out our door and gone down a couple flights of stairs.”
Jaklowicz said he was worried some other RA would come out the Fourth Shay door, so he raced down the stairs, opened the Third Shay door and sprinted down the hallway to your room.
You are happy your roommate didn’t get caught and for your beer-filled fridge, but you really wish he hadn’t woken you from your nap.
Jaklowicz’s joy is short-lived, however, because he’s now looking out the window into the Shay-Lo quad and sees a Safety and Security officer writing him a ticket for his illegally parked car.
Filed under: News
