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    Student Government Association ratifies new constitution


    "You mean as an SGA senator I was supposed to read that entire thing before voting 'Yes' on it?"
    CHARISSE KOWALSKI, junior

    "I would've voted 'No,' but I just didn't feel like going to the meeting."
    BRYAN SALINAS, sophomore
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Roommate successfully avoids RAs, makes it back to room with Keystone Light 30-rack

ben_jaklowicz

Ben Jaklowicz

Forty-five minutes after leaving your room to purchase a 30-rack of Keystone Light with his fake ID, your roommate Ben Jaklowicz returned with the beer, gasping for breath after a near-disastrous encounter with building resident assistants.

At 3:34 p.m., Jaklowicz woke you from a nap by bursting through the door of your Third Shay room. He rapidly shut and locked the door and put the entire 30-rack in your refrigerator, then proceeded to tell you his harrowing story.

“The lady at Tops didn’t look twice at the ID, so everything went great up until I parked my car outside,” he said, still breathing heavily. Continue reading

University boycotts April Fool’s Day out of respect for the troubling economic times

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Patty Mullins, administrative assistant to the president, had her plan to prank the entire campus through e-mail thwarted by today's announcement.

Officials declared St. Bonaventure University a prank-free zone for April Fool’s Day Wednesday in light of the nation’s economic recession, leaving several diabolical plans thwarted.

“We do not believe that now is the time to pull practical jokes on each other,” said Colton Crosswire, university spokesman. “Let today be a reminder that in hardship, only hard work will get us anywhere. Not jokes.” Continue reading

Sophomore mistakes math lab for something else

Sophomore Brent Cullen quickly left a St. Bonaventure University math lab Thursday afternoon when he realized he’d misread the Notice Board from earlier in the day.

“Yeah, totally thought I was showing up for something else entirely,” said Cullen, a sociology major, though he didn’t mention what that something was. “I’m not even in a math class.” Continue reading

No one shows up for emergency drill

In a scene played out throughout Plassmann Hall, Room 101 sits empty only minutes before Wednesday's active-shooter emergency drill commences. The room usually hosts a Clare 104 class at this time.

In a scene played out throughout Plassmann Hall, Room 101 sits empty only minutes before Wednesday's active-shooter emergency drill commences. The room usually hosts a Clare 104 class at this time.

Empty classrooms greeted a fake shooter and the local law enforcement officers trying to track him down Wednesday as St. Bonaventure University students and faculty members decided to take the day off.

“I was supposed to have Intellectual Journey at 8:30 this morning but I decided to sleep in instead,” said freshman Jerome Parrish, a physics major. “I wasn’t about to stay in that classroom for three or four hours.”

Parrish had nothing to worry about, though, as his Clare 101 professor, Jean Dillon, also decided to stay home for the morning. Continue reading

Administration in denial as melted snow once again reveals lack of progress on Castle site

As the last of the winter snowpack melted from the former Castle Inn properties Tuesday, the St. Bonaventure University administration denied any connection with it.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” said Colton Crosswire, university spokesman, as he covered his ears. “La la la la la la! I can’t hear you!”

The 17.2-acre, fenced-in eyesore across from the university doesn’t even appear on the newest university map. The map instead shows an extension of Cranberry Road complete with non-existent buildings and a non-existent plaza marked “Shopping Center.” Continue reading

History department ganks Plassmann classroom for new offices in stealthy overnight operation

Plassmann Hall

The five faculty members of St. Bonaventure University's history department executed a daring maneuver with military-like precision Thursday night into Friday morning. The faculty remade a classroom in Plassmann Hall, seen here in this file photo, into their new offices.

Several classes were canceled at St. Bonaventure University Friday after the history department faculty spent the overnight hours remaking a former Plassmann Hall classroom into their new offices.

“The Registrar’s Office is scrambling to make room and scheduling changes for the six or so Clare College classes that utilized Plassmann 101,” said Colton Crosswire, university spokesman. “However, the president, provost and dean have no comment on the history department’s actions at this time other than to say they wish this could have been done more diplomatically.” Continue reading

Senior loses car to massive pothole outside Reilly Center

Bryan Izzo's 1990 Ford Tempo dove front-first into a giant pothole outside the Reilly Center Tuesday afternoon, as seen in this cell phone photo from a witness.

Bryan Izzo's 1990 Ford Tempo dove front-first into a giant pothole outside the Reilly Center Tuesday afternoon, as seen in this grainy, reader-submitted cell phone photo.

Maintenance officials at St. Bonaventure University closed the southernmost portion of Bonaventure Road Tuesday afternoon after a pothole approximately eight feet wide and four feet deep swallowed a student’s vehicle.

Senior French major Bryan Izzo said he jumped out of his moving car, a tan 1990 Ford Tempo, just before it tipped front-first into the gaping hole. Continue reading

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